I hate Connex more than anything or anyone I have ever hated in my life. In fact, until I met Connex, I don't believe I really hated anything at all. Oh, I've often believed that I despised certain things such as seafood, trackies, jelly and the cold, but now I realise these 'hates' are simply mild dislikes. Connex, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.

Oh Connex, now I wish to express to you the amazingly wonderful contribution you have made to my life. You have taught me that it IS possible to wish, endlessly...unpleasant things...upon certain corporations (and their heads). You have taught me that true hatred knows no bounds. You have extended me in the art of stressing. You have instilled within me such a deep seated resentment that even I am astounded at the strength of my disgust at your 'service'.

You have made me angry in the mornings when I do not wish to be angry, and you have, unforgivably, made me late for class. For that, I will forever hold you responsible, as I had to endure the mortification of coming into my first tute of the year 30 minutes late.

I also do not forgive you for taking up countless 'vent your spleens' and pissing off every single person that has ever travelled by train in Melbourne.

I sincerely thank you for cancelling my express train every day this week, and for raising your prices while declining in service. Top effort.

I also deeply impressed by the sausage sizzle you hosted last weekend, as I do believe that a sausage will definately appease your incompetance, as well as make us all love you again. Oh, Connex, you're so generous. :)

I believe in democracy, and I believe that democracy can help solve this problem. We just all have to voten you out. I realise that I care about very little in life; I have extremely limited interests, and it takes a lot to raise any passion out of me if it is not directly related to my sphere of understanding or interest.

But, alas! You have succeeded in making me passionate. So well done, Connex, I sure applaud your disgraceful efforts, because really, nothing on this planet has ever failed this badly, except for perhaps true Communism. Please go back to France where you belong.


And now, a short verse:

Oh, Connex,
you make me so happy,
to travel within your shitty
carriages,
where in summer it's hot,
and in winter it's not,
and where students get fined
for not carrying concession cards,
while filthy commuters smear greasy feet
all over the seats,
and sweat through their cheap,
Polyester suits.
But of course! you don't see,
you only charge,
titanic prices for lateness and terminations,
whilst we all, by and large,
promise ourselves that one day
we'll get you.